Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
