Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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