let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
