something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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