ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize