I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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