Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
