I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
