ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
