if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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