Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sarcasm needs its own font
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
