anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
