i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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