I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
