Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
