Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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