i just had sex bonerless
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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