Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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