Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
