i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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