There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
