every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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