I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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