SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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