Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
