I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
