Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
