He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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