I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
