i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
