A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
