Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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