Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
