Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
