Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
