You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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