I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana