So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.