Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents