I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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