her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?