i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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