Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
