Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My vagina is very pro this idea
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
