there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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