I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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