If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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