I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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