dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
