this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
