she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
