yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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