So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
