you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
