My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
