My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
