i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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