Im at strip club and am horny
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just want nice things and good sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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