The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
