I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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