Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
