Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
