just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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