I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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