Come see our sink grown plant.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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