Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
