So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
