just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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