i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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