having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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