lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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