There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
