Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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