my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
