Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
